Precious Moments

Last night my little sweethart reminded me of how precious he is. He was having a rough time going to sleep, and I had experienced a particularly rough weekend. I went in to soothe him and held him in my arms, snuggling him.

He fell asleep. It was so sweet. He's such a busy little boy lately that it is rare that I actually get a chance to snuggle him in my arms. I sat there relishing the moment. I knew that I should put him back into his bed and get to bed myself, but I just had to sit there and enjoy the moment. Those precious moments are so few and far between.

I breathed in his sweet, fresh from the bath, little boy scent. I kissed his chubby little cheeks, his precious little nose, and his smooth forehead. I enjoyed the feeling of his warm little body snuggled up next to me, his head resting sweetly on my arm while his breath whooshed in and out of his body. I just enjoyed him.

Babies are miracles...they truly are. It is such a miracle that they are ever even born. So much can go wrong that when we DO meet those little ones we should simply look at them and think, MIRACLE. That's what my boy is. I loved those precious moments last night. I don't know how long I sat there before I finally made myself get up and put him back into his bed. He sighed his sweet, little sigh, rolled over and let me tuck his blanket around him. I think I could have sat there holding him all night, really! As I sat there, holding him, praying for him, and thinking about how wonderful he already is, I made a decision to not rush him.

I rushed his pregnancy. I wanted it to go quickly because I was scared, I just wanted to meet him. Now there are times that I wish I had just enjoyed those moments and let them pass slowly and relished them. There were times when I rushed him in the early months. I wished to be through a phase because everyone said the next phase was easier. Now I know, I have to enjoy each phase as it comes. You really don't know what the future holds, and we should enjoy the precious moments we have with our little ones, no matter how difficult they are. Even if they are looking you in the face and saying "NO" one thousand times a day!

I'm thankful for my little precious moment last night. I took one of those mental snapshots...you know the kind. They are the ones that you file away in your head, hoping to always remember exactly how it smelled, felt, and exactly how he looked. Precious.

Barely Keeping Up!

Wow! Life is going by at break neck speed right now and I am barely keeping up! Even as I sit here typing this post I can think of about a million things I should be doing, but hey, a girl needs to relax sometimes!

We are so happy! We are starting to settle into our house and while many things are still in progress, today I just stood at the front window and thought "It's ours." Well, sort of ours..."one mortgage payment down" ours. We love it so far! Things that I really love about being a homeowner thus far:

• The huge backyard! We take Rusty out there all of the time. I love getting home from running errands, walking into the backyard, and playing ball with him until we both get tired and decide it is time to go inside. He loves the yard, I think it is one of his favorite places and it was also one of the biggest selling points for us. I look forward to many hours spent out there, and so far the weather has been cooperating for us to be out there now! It's like spring here, which isn't so great for the upcoming Olympics, but as a woman that loves my sunshine it has been AMAZING!
• I love the room Rusty has to run inside as well! The layout of the house is just perfect for us, and as we get more boxes unpacked and things put away more zones of the house are becoming "Rusty Safe." He loves to toddle around and around the dining room table and make laps around the living room. The laminate we put in especially makes him happy because he likes the sound of his feet on the floor. I must have chased him around the room twenty times last night!
• We like having two bathrooms! Kevin has laid claim on the ensuite bathroom as his-except for the middle of the night-which is fine by me! I have the main bathroom as mine and Rusty's and Kevin gets that one. He is thrilled that he can "leave the seat up," again, except in the evening. His final act of the night before going to bed is to put the seat down. After years of "putting the seat down" oppression, he has regained his freedom! Ha!
  
• We love living in a quiet little neighborhood. We have to still meet many of our neighbors, but this neighborhood is perfect for us! It's a very quiet street, yet it is close to many amenities! Yesterday Rusty and I took a walk and ended up at Starbucks-surprise there, although I FINALLY got my coffee maker set up this morning hurray!-and our local grocery store. We bought things for a nice dinner, had a fun walk, and enjoyed the fresh air. We are also within walking distance of a HUGE green area and park. It is perfect! Rusty will also be within easy walking distance of his elementary school someday, which I think is great. Every single morning I have heard birds chirping, there are so many trees and it is so quiet around here. I can hear them even now!
• We love the location!! It is central to almost everything we need to get to, which has been really great for us. Kev's commute to work was cut down considerably, and it is nice that he can get there so quickly-it means more time with us in the morning! YAHOO!

• I love all of the paint colors I picked out! This is a big one, because I sort of agonized over those colors. Now, I know it's not that big of a deal and let me just preface this by saying how truly grateful we are to even have a home at all, but it IS nice to know that I really love the paint colors we chose. I will be happy with them for a long time. The kitchen is even coming along nicely, thanks to the amazing efforts of Kev's dad. Those cupboards will be painted in no time at all!
• I really like my stove! Although it is not ceramic top, which is my ultimate dream, it is practically brand new and works GREAT! It bakes perfectly and I really enjoy using it. I think I will really like it throughout the years and I am so happy that it is something we don't have to put money into any time soon. I know the rage is stainless steel right now, but I happen to really like the fresh brightness of the white, and we got a white dishwasher anyway, so they all match!
  

Things we are still working on:

• As I mentioned above, the kitchen. We are painting all of the cabinets, as well as the walls, so most of my kitchen stuff still resides in boxes on the floor. It has been a challenge, but I am figuring it out! Thankfully we have a big eat in area of the kitchen that is serving as the box wasteland, and I can access or find most things I need there!
• We are working on getting a dishwasher installed. I am not the best dishwasher around-in fact it is one of my top LEAST favorite chores-but I am keeping up nicely! It helps that my hubby is motivated each night after dinner and we tag team it. This morning though, I got several "I love you, honeys" and I couldn't figure out why. Finally I asked why I was so loved this morning! Turns out it was the fact that I had done all of the dishes last night! Who knew! I guess he just enjoyed playing ball with the munchkin while I did the dishes. I guess we will have to work out that kind of a schedule more often!
• We are still working on getting things we need like area rugs, curtains, etc. My husband has promised me that the curtains in our bedroom will go up before Sunday night. I am ready for that! The light has been coming in each night and while it isn't bad, I'm a "pitch black sleeping" kind of gal!
• Our refridgerator! We are figuring it out. Initially we thought it was brand new and although it was quite a bit smaller than our old one we figured we could make it work. Since then Kevin has figured out by a sticker on it that it was purchased in 2001. Again, not OLD, but there are a few things we are discovering about it. The drawer that holds the dairy stuff is missing its cover, so every time I open the door the cheese falls out on the floor. This morning I was putting my coffee creamer back into its section on the side door and the entire bar that holds everything in place fell off and everything fell to the floor. I realized when looking at it that apparently it had broken some time before and they had tried to glue it. I'm not sure how long that glue held, but it didn't hold today! I'm going to have to buy some duct tape to keep it all in place. Speaking of duct tape, the same door holder thing in the freezer is ALSO being held in place by duct tape! We aren't sure what we are going to do, but I know my hubby plans to hit up Home Depot for some duct tape to hold it all in place soon. Hey, things are still frozen and the milk is still cold, so it's doing great!
• Our basement. It is pretty much unusable right now, which is fine! We don't really have any need for it at the moment. Some day it will be our guest room and our family room. They will have some work to do, but we will get to it eventually! Right now the upstairs is MORE than enough room for us! We set up the extra bedroom as Caden's playroom, which he loves and so do we! I especially loved simply closing the door on that room last night instead of picking up all of the toys!
• We are still working on our closet. As is standard in houses of the time period, it isn't a walk-in closet, but it is pretty good sized and with the proper organizational gear from IKEA we should have it set up soon enough!

We are SO thrilled with our new home. In the middle of all of this we have had some crazy times. We had some medical stuff go down that wasn't fantastic, but friends and family helped out in phenomenal ways. I started a new job teaching Spanish 12 online, which is hectic, but actually a dream come true for me! I can still teach and be a mom at home! It's awesome!

Rusty is amazing! He settled into the new home pretty quickly and he seems very happy! Yesterday I received so many hugs and kisses. I think he was really happy to spend time with me and also to be in an area with so much space. He is the love of our little lives, and we realize every day what a miracle he is. He has been an especial blessing to us in the last week or so.

Hope you are all doing well! I haven't forgotten you, life is just busy!

Nothing a blg, sloppy kiss won't make better!

Life has had some twists and turns to it lately. I don't really want to go into detail, but the last few days haven't been the easiest. In the midst of it all, though, we still have an adorable little munchkin giving us hugs and kisses and reminding us of what a true miracle he really is. Good thing for him, because yesterday he was a TOTAL grouch, but I was just so happy to hug him that I didn't even care that I heard the word "NO!" about 1000 times.

I am very thankful indeed that I have the amazing opportunity to be Rusty's mom. Being a mom is such a gift, and one that I have never taken for granted. He is such a sweethart and we thank God for him, every single night.

Today he is making up for the grouchiness of yesterday by being perhaps the sweetest boy on the planet. In the midst of my worries and trials I am reminded of one simple fact...there is not much in my life that cannot be made better with a big, sloppy wet kiss from the cutest boy around!

Renos, renos!

Wow, things have been BUSY! We have been hard at work-with the help of SO many of our amazing friends-renovating the house. We move on Saturday, and we can't wait to get into OUR home. I look forward to watching Rusty grow up in this house, running in the backyard, playing with his friends in the family room, eventually inviting friends over for a movie party and sleepover, marking his height in the closet in his room...all of these things are really the things I have looked forward to in a home.

Kevin has been amazing, so hard at work putting in major time painting and doing whatever it takes. We had a family friend that offered to do the floors for us for a great deal, and so far they look beautiful!

Kevin's dad has been our hardest worker! He has spent almost all day every day at the house for the past week or more. He is amazing and tireless! He did leave a bit early the other night to ensure some much needed time with his grandson!

Here are a few pics of the renos, we are so thrilled. It's AMAZING what a little paint will do for a place!

The Living Room Before

The Living Room in Progress

The Dining Room Before

The Dining Room in Progress

Challenged

I have been feeling challenged lately. I wonder sometimes if I am living my life truly for God, or just sort of for Him. Do I really give everything over to Him? Do I really trust Him in all things, or just the things where it is easy?

I have a habit of wanting to be in control. I like to know what it is that is going on all of the time. I like to have a hand in the way that my life is "supposed" to go. I don't know why I am like this, because when I look back on the last 30 years of my life, I have always seen God's hand at work, protecting me, watching over me, handling things when I didn't know what to do. Yet, I have these fears.

I was talking with Kevin about it last night in bed. I was frustrated. We had a great message at church this weekend about letting go. The context was about Abraham and how he was in the middle of a crisis where the land could not support BOTH him and Lot-Genesis 13-so he had to simply let go and trust that God would handle things. I'm not in the midst of a crisis, not even close, but I do have a hard time with this whole concept of letting go. I always think that I am letting go, but then the next thing I know I am worrying about this or that, or freaking out about something that really is inconsequential and there I have things tightly back in my grip again. We were pondering this last night together. Kevin said, "I don't get it, I don't understand why you are this way...you moved to Canada! You just moved! If that isn't conquering fears I don't know what is! How can you do that, but have these other fears in your life?" Wow. GOOD question. How? How could I do that?

I left California. I gave up my job down there before I ever had a job up here. I left my family, my friends, everything that was comfortable and I moved to Canada. It wasn't just a temporary thing in my mind either, I just did it. I knew that it was what God wanted me to do...and I have never looked back and never regretted it. How could I once have been that brave girl, that girl that wasn't afraid to leave even though everyone was telling her she was crazy and just go, but now I let my fears rule me? WHAT happened!

I want that girl back, or better yet, I want a better VERSION of her back. My life is a daily gift and I do try to give it up to God, but so far I haven't been doing my best at that. Today I was hit with another whammy as I was reading my devotions. Job 38:1-18. Wow. Job had it rough...if anyone had a right to have fears it was this guy. He was questioning God and wondering if God could even SEE Him, if God had any idea what was going on in his life. Well, God certainly answers! In Job 38 God is reminding Job that he DOES see. He reminds Job that he has no idea how the world even works, yet GOD HIMSELF CREATED that world, and if He could do that then certainly He knows what is going on in Job's life too! He reminds him that "I laid the earth's foundation" and He "shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb." God knows all of the inner and outer workings of this Earth, and we cannot question that and I MUST trust that he knows what is going on and has a plan for MY life too! How can I possibly understand the mind of God? His ways are WAY higher than mine. I must just trust in Him.

It is good to have the reminders of the past to help me know that God comes through, even in the tough things like losing the babies, there was a purpose. God has used those instances in my life to open up relationships with people and give me a much deeper compassion for people and to KNOW that things are not always as they seem. He has created in me a sympathetic and understanding soul as a result of those losses. I think perhaps I also have a greater joy and patience with sweet Rusty! Those nights-like last night-when I am up with him for reasons I don't understand I remind myself how blessed I am to be spending those moments with him, moments that I lost out on with the other two babies.

I look back at when our family had to give up the farm. That was hard, that farm had been in our family, it was like a part of the family, for so long. We were all afraid that perhaps we would lose the closeness that had knit us together there on the farm, we were sad to lose that land that we had worked with our very hands. We feared that we would not be provided for. All of those fears were unfounded! God came through better than we could ever have imagined! He provided wonderful jobs for everyone involved. In fact, my dad now even gets to take vacations! He doesn't have to worry when the frost comes too early and the only thing he has to think about when it hails is getting the car into the garage. He still has his little John Deere lawnmower to keep the "green" in his veins, but I imagine the upkeep on that is MUCH easier than on all of the tractors we had. As for the closeness, we are still as close as ever as a family. Distance and time cannot tear apart a family that is knit together in God's love.

I am feeling challenged. Challenged to let go of my fears. Challenged to let go of the hesitancy. Challenged to allow God to do HIS work in my life, whatever that may look like. I hope that God can work within me and make me strong enough to let go, but also weak enough to need Him completely, if that makes any sense. Here goes...time to let go.

Oh the cuteness...

Okay, the kid is cute...seriously. I don't think I am biased. Not only is Rusty CUTE, cute, he also does so many cute things! Here are a few of the latest:

• He has learned how to say "cheese" and crinkle up his nose whenever the camera comes out. It is seriously adorable. Tonight I caught him with our little point and shoot. He was holding it up to his face and saying "CHHHEEEESEEE!" over and over again!
• He pretends that he is SO adult whenever he gets ahold of my cell phone. He "texts"-which involves punching the buttons with both thumbs and looking at the screen. He also "calls" people frequently. Yes, sometimes accidentally, but USUALLY it is just him holding the phone up to his ear while walking around and saying "Uh huh!" Usually he says that he is calling Nana. Nana must be something special!
• He loves to airplane into our arms. He sits on the edge of the couch and bounces up and down saying "Go, go!" before running and leaping into our arms to fly. He loves it and it is so adorable to hear his little voice saying "doh" for go!
• He got a little piano book from his Grandma B for Christmas which he LOVES. His favorite song is "If You're Happy and You Know It" and he has already figured out which button to push to make it play. When it plays and gets to the spot for the CLAP CLAP he claps his little hands. It is TOO sweet!
• His favorite TV show is "In the Night Garden." When he wants to watch it-although trust me, he does NOT always get what he wants!-he comes up and sort of dances like the main character in the show, Iggle Piggle, dances. It's so cute that it is hard to say no, but I don't want his brain to turn to total TV mush so I do say no often. Sometimes though, he gets that treat and watching him dance is pretty adorable.
• The "ball" is what it is ALL about in Rusty's life right now. Any kind of ball, it can be a bouncy one, a fabric one, a squishy one, one made out of crumpled up paper...he does not care. If there is a ball around, he is happy. He loves to throw them, bounce them, and attempt to kick them. He repeatedly grabs whatever ball happens to be in the vicinity and holds it up while asking "Ball?" His dad is the one that plays with him the most...I think they have spent hours in the hallway throwing the ball, bouncing it, and just rolling it around. We have a wee bit of a problem, though, in the fact that when he began playing ball so long ago, he wasn't that good at it. Now the kid SERIOUSLY has an arm, and he can whip that ball like nobody's business. This is fine and dandy if you are outside, but when inside, he tends to hit things like TVs, pictures, and glass figurines...not just in our house, but in other peoples'! Now comes the delicate chore of teaching exactly when it is okay to throw the ball, and where. Any suggestions!?
• "Uh huh!" That is his favorite phrase and I don't think I have ever heard a kid say it quite the way that little Rusty does. Oh man, it is simply one of the cutest things I have seen or heard, even our friends and family think so! YES, I have captured it on video, but it remains stuck in the wasteland that is iMovie, with all of my other videos, waiting for me to process it.
• He waves bye bye to everyone and everything. The other day I was driving away from the mall and he waved and said "bye, bye!" When we were flying home from SD he was waving at everyone on the plane and charming the heck out of them. They were all smiling and saying what a good boy he was. He is, you know, a VERY good boy!
  

Okay, I think that is enough of the cuteness for now, but there is so much more to share! I might have to write another cuteness post sometime soon. For now, I will leave you with his CHEESE face. This particular photo was taken when we were home visiting my family, and he was outside in the snow with my dad. He was having a ball, as you can tell!

Homeowners...at last!

Tonight is a big night for the hubby and I. We will officially be homeowners. Wow...it even feels weird to type that.

It's been a long road to homeownership. Is that a word? I'm making it one! It started almost six years ago when we got married. At that point neither of us was ready nor wanted the commitment of owning a home. We thought about it though, and dreamed about it.

When I got pregnant the first time, we thought about it more seriously, however, the housing prices were pretty tough, and we knew we couldn't get in at that point. We had to wait.

Honestly, the wait has not been difficult. Yes, we have watched friends buy and move into homes around us, but despite what some people may have thought, we were never in a big hurry to own our own home. There is something so final about it. The buck stops here, as they say...no calling the landlord to say that this or that is wrong, it's now up to us!

A few months ago, though, after a talk with our financial advisors-Kev's parents-we decided it was time to start looking in earnest. The journey took us into and out of a few different options, but nothing ever felt quite right. We were looking for that perfect house-the perfect one for us.

What did that perfect house include? Well, in our dreams it meant:

• a big backyard with room for Rusty to run and play, all while being safe. He loves to be outside, and I could imagine him playing in a sandbox or swinging on his swing set in our dream backyard.
• Plenty of rooms for us. Enough bedrooms for a guest room. This wasn't an absolute must, but hey, we ARE talking about the dreamhouse here. I hoped that when family or friends came to visit, we would have a place to host them in comfort, in our own home...thus the guest room.
• A family room where we could crash in comfort and Rusty's toys would not have to be picked up and put away in their little bins EVERY single night. If there was a night where I am simply tired, I could just walk away!
  
• Room for storage! I have felt bad about the fact that our storage space has been Kev's parents' basement ever since we were married. When we moved to the place we are currently in a little over a year ago we did a good job of paring down the things that we did not use, but there were still several things hanging out in their basement.
• A place with a decent kitchen. I like to cook, and I have been spoiled in our current home. The kitchen is massive and gorgeous, especially for a basement suite. I wanted to at least find something that would not make me feel totally cramped.
• A quiet street. After years of living on a VERY busy street when we were first married, we KNEW that we wanted a quiet, friendly, family-oriented street.
  

We have found it! We found our dream house and it really feels like God placed this one right in our laps. It was a private sale, and Kev's parents have been amazing in helping us to figure everything out and to help make things happen. They were the ones dealing with the woman that we bought it from, and they surprised us by letting us know that the house was ours on Christmas Day, what a special gift! Kevin's mom even wrapped up an old Lego house that Kevin had built as a child with the address of our place inside to tell us the good news!

We sign the papers tonight. Tonight we officially become homeowners. We are a little scared, a little nervous, but VERY MUCH excited and ready for this challenge. We are ready to make this home our own. From the moment we walked into this house it felt like home for both of us, bright orange carpet, blue toilet and all!

The house is roomy and open. It has room for us to grow into it as a family. It has a HUGE backyard, bigger than we even dreamed. The kitchen is 70s chic, but has the size and brightness and openness that I was hoping and looking for. It even has a living room AND a family room! We have that extra guest bedroom I was hoping for and for me, the most wonderful part about the home was that when we walked in Rusty immediately seemed at home and ran around the house with glee. I could immediately picture him in the house, growing up there, asking his friends over for a movie night in the basement family room, playing in the backyard. Another great fact about the house is that it is very close to Kevin's parents. They have been so wonderful with Rusty, and it will be great to be close to them. Some day when he is old enough he will even be able to walk over to Nana and Papa's house on the trails that lead from their house to ours.

We are excited. We have been patient, and we look forward to moving in and making the place our own, our HOME. Today, we officially become HOME owners!

Us and our little Lego house on Christmas Day!