Ch-ch-changes!

This is a place for me to be real and honest, right? A place to sort of just let my feelings out? Right now I'm going through an interesting phase of life. Things are changing, and for the better. I am changing. I received an e-mail from a friend yesterday and she was sending me an e-mail that I had sent her a year ago. It was interesting to see where I was at that point in my life. In many ways so much has changed in that year.

In that e-mail I was talking about how hard it was to leave South Dakota after a visit to my family and how I felt that Canada wasn't really home yet. That's not true anymore. After being away all summer, some of it spent in the States, when we arrived home on Sunday it definitely felt like home. Everything was familiar and comfortable. It's nice to realize that I am at that stage of life. It's not the only way that things have changed for me though.

My husband, who has always been amazing, is morphing into this incredible man. It seems that every day he changes right before my eyes. One of the best changes lately has been his affection and tender care. He has always taken great care of me and always given me all of the hugs and kisses that I want but lately it has been the little things that I have noticed. We were visiting some friends last night and all of the sudden in the middle of the conversation he just reached over and took my hand. It wasn't showy and the conversation didn't even stumble, but my heart certainly did. He has also been so tender with me, seemingly noticing every little change in my mood. I also started to come down with a cold that is bugging me still today last night. On the way home he grabbed my hand and kissed it, saying, "I'm sorry you don't feel well." I hadn't even said anything. These are just examples of the changes in him, and I am amazed and more in love with each day that passes. We have a lot happening in our lives right now, and it constantly amazes me to see him step up to the plate and be the man that I need him to be in each situation.

Another change that I am dealing with is physical. I am perhaps in the best shape that I have been in since I was in high school. Maybe even better than that. I have lost over 40 pounds from the time I moved to Canada. The other day we were cleaning out our closets because we bought some new clothes in Oregon-no sales tax!-and in the back of Kevin's closet he found a bunch of my old pants. I didn't even know they were there but when I put them on I was shocked! I couldn't even keep them up...they kept falling down off of my hips. This is interesting to me and it was perhaps a good thing for me to see. I see the number on the scale and I see how my old clothes fit but often when I look in the mirror I still see that girl that I was. Lately I have been obsessing about every pound and every bite I put into my mouth . That is NOT the girl that I am. I am happy and healthy. I love the new me in that can run miles and not be weary. That is something that I always dreamed of doing and never thought would actually happen. I didn't know I was a runner! I always just said I hated it, but now I find that I love it and crave it. I also didn't know that I liked fruits and veggies so much, but I do. However, I still love ice cream and big juicy burgers and french fries...sometimes! It's all about moderation, or so I have learned. Yet lately, it has turned into something else. Perhaps is was hitting that goal weight that I always thought was actually impossible for me. I have done it in the best way possible: over three years, through exercise and an overhaul of my eating habits. It has been gradual...perhaps so gradual that I don't really realize the difference until someone sees a picture of me in college or when I was living in California and says, "wow, you really look different!" Perhaps it was hitting that magic number...once I hit it I became frantic to NOT return to the way I was. One pound heavier seemed like a huge loss in the battle to me. Then, I tried on those pants. I realized that I will not suddenly become that person overnight. I might gain one or two pounds here or there, but I can certainly lose them again. I don't think that I will ever let myself put the 40 pounds back onto my body...it just hurt too much and I didn't even realize it until I wasn't carrying it around anymore. I think if I tried to carry around a backpack filled with 40 pounds now it would exhaust me! I do know, though, that I don't want to obsess. If there is delicious chocolate cake at a friend's house for dessert, I want to eat it and not feel guilty for the next two days. I won't eat it every night, but I can eat it once in awhile. Moderation, right?

Am I becoming gentler? Calmer? I think so...I have seen that change in myself too as I reflect back upon the person that I was. I have to say, I think most of that has come through my husband's influence. He doesn't get flustered! He is so calm and takes things step by step. He is simply logical and it has become a way of life for me as well. I love that way of life. I love not stressing and panicking about every little thing. Not that I am not guilty of it sometimes, because I still fall into that old routine from time to time. I noticed it this summer while I was in Europe though. I approached every situation that arose logically. I refused to be the old Stacy that freaked out and wondered "What will we do!?" I like that. I like to think that the Kevin and Stacy household will continue to be a calm one. It will be full of the quiet confidence that Kevin oozes and I am learning to master myself. Will we still go through trials? Absolutely. Will there still be moments when we wonder what to do? Indeed. However, I like to think that we will continue to approach them in the tag team format that we are learning and practicing every day. It makes things much easier.

God is at work in our lives, and I am thankful for that. I am thankful that He can mold me and use me, despite my deficiencies. I am thankful that he brings together the people that He knows will compliment one another perfectly, because it really is an amazing miracle of life. I can't wait to see what change He makes in our lives next. Stay tuned for more updates!