On Being Sick

You know you are sick when...
~You have to sleep in a recliner because any time you try to lay down you go into a coughing fit.
~You wake up in the morning and your eye is stuck shut.
~You have just as much goop coming from your eyes as you do from your nose.
~You can't hear people, even when they are sitting right next to you and speaking loudly.
~You are unable to swallow your own saliva.
~Every time you try to talk, no words come out, but rather you go into a major coughing fit.
~Everyone looks at you with the puppydog sadness in their eyes, then they rub your arm and say, with their head cocked to the side, "Is there anything I can do?"
~You are willing to stick your head over a pan of steaming water in order to get any kind of moisture into your throat.
~You take so many baths in one day that the hot water heater can't keep up...all so that you might get a bit of steam down that darn, dry throat.
~You are thrilled that you get to take medicine that will knock you out, just so you can get at least an hour or two of sleep.
~You go through more Kleenex in one day than you would normally go through in a year.
~Your friend of eight years calls and does not believe that it is really you on the other end of the phone because you sound so much like a man.
~The fact that you are able to stand upright and carry on a conversation with your family is considered a "BIG IMPROVEMENT!"
~You are sitting in a chair curled up under a blanket trying to read but your eyes keep closing, without you even wanting them to.
~Your diet consists of chicken noodle soup and ice cream malts, since those are the only two things you can swallow with minimal pain.
~Each time you start to cough you swear that your lung is going to come up through your throat and land in your hand.
~You are willing to try things like a mustard plaster twice a day to help you to feel better.
~Your family has to lean in close to hear you whispering phrases in between your coughs.
~You would gladly pay good money in order to buy a new throat, nose and ears.