Starting Over

I miss working out. I don't know why it's so hard to commit to it. I am very good at making up excuses for why I can't do it. I have too much going on at school. I'm too tired. My workout gear is in the wash. I have to make dinner. I have too much marking to do. My knees hurt. But really, I think I should just be saying that I'm not motivated.

I don't know why I get into these stages. When I am working out consistently, I am happy.

It all makes so much sense! When I'm working out, my back is pain free. When I'm not, it hurts, a lot. When I'm running, I sleep better. When I'm not, I find that I wake up several times a night. When I'm working out regularly, my clothes fit better. When I'm not, they get tight in places that make me uncomfortable. When I'm working out regularly, my emotions tend to stay more stable. When I'm not, I go from extreme to extreme.

About a year and a half ago, I got really serious about running. It changed my life. I found myself more fit than I had ever been, even in high school when I was playing sports on a regular basis. I found that I had more peace. Something about just pounding out all of my concerns on the treadmill or pavement just made them seem smaller and like less of a problem.

Now, I find myself back at the beginning. I admit, I have had a bit of a rough time health wise over the last nine months but really...it's over now. I'm fine! I'm healthy! It's all good. What is my excuse now?

There is none...so here I go. I'm asking you to keep me accountable. If you read this, I give you permission to ask me how the workout is going. My husband has given me a wonderful surprise and now have a goal that I am aiming for. I want to stay committed. I want to work out at least three times a week. I want to eat healthy. I want to stop making up reasons that validate eating that dessert that I don't really need and honestly, don't really enjoy that much. I want to stop taking second helpings when I'm not really hungry anymore. I want to stop using extra doses of caffeine to replace the sleep that I'm not getting. I want to get back to that healthier, happier version of myself.

I'm not doing it for Kevin...he loves me just as I am. That always amazes me. When he first met me, I weighed about 50 pounds more than I do today. And you know what? He thought I was gorgeous. He has this photo of me on his desk. I absolutely hate it, I think it's a terrible picture but he loves it because it is a picture of me on the day that he met me in the San Francisco airport. My mom had taken it just before I got on my plane to California. Last Christmas we were looking through photos with her and when he saw that one he asked if he could please have a copy of it to put on his desk. Amazing. So, no, it's not for Kevin, although he likes me to be happy.

I'm not doing this for my friends or other people. I don't do it so that they will think I look good. I have had a few people tell me recently that I am looking slimmer, at which I laugh, because I know the truth. The numbers are starting to creep up on the scale. I am not a slave to it...I probably weigh myself once a week or so, but it is good to see the numbers and try to keep myself in check. Nope, it's not for other people either.

I'm not doing this for my family. I know that they want me to be healthy and happy, but again, I think they would love me no matter what. My dad was always good at telling us girls that we were beautiful. We grew up believing in ourselves and feeling good about ourselves. It's not for my family!

It's for me. I want to feel good. I want to have energy. I want to be fit for that time that we get to start trying for a baby again. I want to fit into the clothes that I enjoy. I want to be happy with myself and have self-discipline!

So, hold me accountable, will ya? Ask me how much water I am drinking. Ask me when that last run was. Ask me what I had for dinner. Help me reach my goal. I have until December 30th...I know I can do it.