The Best of Both Worlds

Wow, have I seriously not blogged in over a week? That is crazy for me. I guess it just shows how busy life has been around our household lately. I think it is mainly because I have been working!

Work is good. I've been at the same school for the past five days and I have to admit, it's a little surreal. Last week I had two days for an English teacher, and it was fun to discuss Lord of the Flies with the students. I even ended up creating a worksheet for them for the second day because I thought we would run out of things to do. It's amazing how quickly it all comes back to you...the lesson planning and such, I mean. I just sat down and boom, there was the idea for the worksheet and I was creating it and it felt really good!

This week was a wee bit different! I got a call on Sunday night from the principal of the same school saying that they really needed a sub. It was for a teacher that was to be gone on a three day retreat with the school and could I please do it? Well, sure! That was my reply. Then I thought to ask, "What is it for?" He responded that it was Science. SCIENCE!? ACK! Oh, but I was to be assured that I did NOT need to be a super science teacher to do this job, I just needed to be there. Well, okay, I can handle that.

Fast forward to Monday morning. I arrive at the school, only to find that it's not "just Science." It is, in fact, CHEM 11 and they are doing a LAB! Oh man! Then I look further down and see that it is also CHEM 12! Thankfully they were just reading and answering questions, so, no big deal! Then there is, wait for it...MATH! MATH???!

If you know me, you know that I am not a fan of Math. I can do the math that I need to do to survive in life, but I LIKE calculators and I TRULY DID DANCE when I finished my last Algebra class in college. I always thought I was stupid at Math in high school, but as I got older, I realized that I wasn't. I hate to say it, especially since I am a teacher myself, but I think my teachers just weren't the best at explaining it. I know that they knew what they were doing, but didn't get it across to me. Or maybe my brain just wasn't ready for it...who really knows.

Anyway, MATH. Yep, that's right. I panicked. I opened the book to the lesson I was supposed to teach and it said: 2.8 Dividing and Rationalizing Radicals. HUH? I read through it, and sort of got it. I found I could do the problems, but I could NOT explain how I got the answers. The Math lingo was evading me. What to do??

The bell rang and CHEM 11 began. Thankfully, the lab was simply on boiling water. My scariest moment came when the students asked for the stir rods...apparently I was supposed to have them. I started looking around in panic, looking for a long stick looking sort of thing. Then, suddenly, voila! I looked on the desk and there in a container marked "Magnetic Stir Rods" were the stir rods. They did not look like a long stick, by the way. Look at them, they look like vitamins or something!

The lab went well, all was fine with Chem 11. In the meantime, I dashed across the hall. It just so happens that a teacher I used to work with at my old school now works at this one. I told her I didn't know how to teach this math lesson, and she went up and found the math department head. Thankfully, he had a prep at the same time as the teacher I was in for, so we were able to connect. He's GOOD! In less than fifteen minutes I had the concept of basic radicals and the multiplying, dividing, adding and subtracting of them down! I could even explain it! Huh! Guess I'm smarter than I thought!

Finally, after lunch, it was here, the dreaded Math 10. Wouldn't you know it, I did just fine! They understood the lesson, they could do the examples! They could even do the problems in the book! I AM a teacher, and a good one! (At least that's what I was telling myself after several panicked emails to Kevin and my mom, asking them to pray!)

After Math 9 I was done! Done for that day anyway!

This week has been a good one. It's been good to be back working, it makes me appreciate my being home as a mom life so much more. Kevin mentioned last night that he was so amazed at how I was even MORE patient than normal with Rusty after a long day of working at the school. I think it has been a good dose of realizing how great life at home with my munchkin is. I miss him!

I miss having him bring a book up to me, pointing at it for me to read. I miss wrestling with him and tickling his belly! I miss his little noises and his cute little hands signing "More" and "please!" I miss hearing his little belly laugh and getting the post nap snuggles that are so precious. It just about kills me to leave in the morning before he is awake, in fact, I could only do it one day. This morning I stood at the door, ready to walk out, and I just couldn't do it. I turned to Kevin and said, "Can I please go and hug him?" This is an important question, because if I did it, he would be awake, and Kevin would be juggling getting ready for his day and Rusty...not an easy task. He saw my face and said, "Go ahead."

Oh, the little patty, snuggly hug! It was too much! I wanted to just go into the living room and hold him on my lap while kissing his cute little face!

It's a tough balance. I don't like to judge other moms for the choices they make. I know that everyone does what they feel is best for them. What I have learned from this week, is that I DO NOT have regrets. For awhile, I regretted leaving my job at MEI. I started to think that maybe I shouldn't have done that. It was full time, I loved the staff, the students were amazing and I wondered if maybe I should have stuck it out at least a few more years. This week has taught me that I made the right choice.

I have had to leave the house by 7:30 every mornining. I would have had to leave even earlier EVERY SINGLE DAY if I had been at MEI. I have been more tired, until I learned to get to bed at a better time that is! Getting to bed earlier means less time with my husband though. That time is important to me. Like I said, it's a tough balance.

I ENJOY working, don't get me wrong. There is something in me that IS a teacher, and always will be! I especially enjoy teaching high school. Those students are on the brink of becoming who they will be as adults. They are just learning how to express their own opinions. They are funny. They can have great discussions! I love that. I love teaching something and seeing kids "get" it...whether it is Spanish verbs, English grammar or math radicals. I will always, always want to be a teacher.

For now, however, I am content. I am content to be a part time teacher. I am content to fill in for someone else and have no marking and no planning. I am so content being a wife and a mother! It is my most important job. I love teaching Rusty. He now knows where his belly AND his nose are and he is so proud every time he can show us...and I taught him that! He can say "Mama," and "Dada," and "Uh oh!" I don't take credit for those, because every kid talks at a different stage, but I DO love being around to hear them!

I love reading to him, and singing songs with him. I love taking him to the park, or meeting up with other moms and their kids for play dates. I love hearing his little voice cooing and making fun sounds when he wakes up from his nap. I just love him. I am so blessed to be his mom.

Life is a balance. I have always wondered about the working mom vs. staying home mom debate. I never took sides before I had kids. I WILL tell you that I thought for sure I would be a working mom and enjoy it. I didn't know how much Rusty would capture my heart! I can also say, however, that working this week has brought me great joy. While I miss Rusty, I also enjoy using the skills that I have developed through the years. I enjoy having conversations with students, and comforting the poor girl in Math 9 that started crying because she was so overwhelmed. I like having students come in and say "Mrs. S! I'm so glad you are our sub today!" I like connecting with the other teachers. I like having stories to tell Kevin when I get home that night.

It truly is a delicate balance. I wasn't so sure about substitute teaching when we were contemplating it last spring. Now I am thankful for it. It has allowed me to have the best of both worlds. I am a stay at home mom, but I am also a working mom. I am happy and content.

I can't wait to get home today and give the little munchkin a hug!