Apparently, the newness of it all wears off. Most couples have probably had at least a child or two, they maybe have more financial burdens, they are immersed in their jobs, possibly haven't had a vacation together in awhile, maybe have forgotten what it means to go on a date...all of these things have the tendency to combine and create what is called the "seven year itch." This itch is the desire for something new in the marriage, something that can shake things up a bit. In some marriages-we were told-it can even lead to unhappiness with the spouse, infidelity, and many other things.
I only realized the other day...this is our seventh year of marriage. In July we will be celebrating our 8th anniversary. First of all, I have to wonder...what happened to the last seven years? It seems to have flown by, although when I really think back on it, it does seem like we have been married for forever in a way. Our lives have become so intertwined that it is hard for me to remember existing before him on my own. Not that I can't handle things on my own, because I know that I could, but it is oh so nice to NOT be handling them on my own.
We have such a good agreement. Somehow, without even stating it, we sort of fell into roles that we both enjoy and appreciate. He pays all of the bills. This doesn't mean that I don't know what our account balance is, or don't sometimes do a bill here or there-ok, so I hardly do, I HATE bills-but he is better at it. He keeps it all balanced and remembers when everything is due and keeps us afloat. He remembers that this bill is due at this time and that bill is due at that time. Kevin also handles everything with the cars. I CAN get my oil changed, but I hate doing it. Every time I go the workers seem to see a woman and try to sell me every service under the sun. I always am capable of saying no, and do, but it is nice when Kevin just takes my car and gets the oil changed and I don't even have to deal with it. He handles changing the air filters, fixing the windshield wipers, filling up the various fluids. He is the one that takes out the garbage...for the most part. He cleans up after dinner every night. He mows the lawn and he cleans out the gutters. I cook most of the meals. I enjoy it and since he does cleanup, it seems like a good arrangement. I wash my clothes and the boys clothes-he washes his own and usually does the linens. He sweeps the floors or vacuums, I mop. I handle all of the bathrooms.
As far as the kids go, we share all of the duties. Baths, getting up in the night-although I do it more often than he, simply because by nature I need less sleep and seem to fall BACK to sleep easier. We both get them dressed in the morning. He feeds them breakfast, I handle getting dinner ready. A big one is that he does almost all of the daycare drop off and pick up. For me, that is huge!
Back to the seven year itch, though. What IS this seven year itch? I wondered about it often through the years. I wondered, "What will we be like at seven years?" Now, here it is and I hardly even noticed.
Where are we? We are in a very good place. I love this man, so much. I feel like I can't even put into words what our love is. One of my English 12 students said in an essay recently, love is undefinable. I feel like that statement is somewhat true.
What we are is committed. To one another, to our children, to the vows we made together...most importantly to God and His plan for our lives. That commitment leads us through so many things. It has led us through the loss of three babies. It has led us through illnesses, including my infections after my miscarriages and Kev's back problems. It led us through a child in the NICU and my skin-eating bacteria that basically immobilized me for a week after Rocky's birth. It led him to be there for me, giving me strength, during the loss of my grandmother last August. It leads us through the dirty work of marriage-the lack of sleep due to kids' crazy sleep schedules, the dirty diapers, the endless taking out of garbage, the mundane tasks that can overwhelm. This commitment is what makes Kevin hug and kiss me every day before I leave for work and every day when we both get home. This commitment makes us choose one another before our friends and even our family, but also to understand when one of us needs time with friends or family.
We are in a place of fun. We laugh together, a lot at the silliest little things, and also at big things! It can be as simple as a tooter rooter from one of the boys in the bathtub or something crazy that happened to one of us at work. We have that ability to just look at one another and know what the other is thinking and share that smile. We find joy in the simple things, things like playing with the boys on our bed on a Saturday morning, going skating with Rusty, and watching Rocky figure out how something works.
We are in a place of attraction! I still think my hubby is the hottest guy around. I still love burrowing in next to him on the couch, feeling his strong arms around me, the scent that is uniquely him settling down upon me, the scratchiness of his face whiskers brushing against my cheek as I lean into him. His special "Kev Kisses" still make me tingle and get all dizzy. When I see him standing with a group of friends and he looks over at me, I still feel that tingle in my belly. We still want one another, even after seven years.
The thing that I can't express adequately is how we just are one. We have grown together. We have gone through the birth of two children, the buying of a home, the every day trials and joys of life, a cancer scare with his father, my grandma's passing, and countless other life events. We go through the day to day actions together. We make the meals, we do the chores, we pay the bills, we fix the house, we have fun with our kids and meet up with our friends. We worship God and we relax together on the couch. In all of this, we are undeniably one. I don't know how to explain how, but through all of this the joys, the sorrows, the motions of the day we have just fallen deeper and deeper in love. My commitment to this man has only grown stronger.
I'm so thankful that I didn't even notice that seven years was here. I am thankful that I don't feel frustrated with him, or even with our life situation. Instead, I can only say that I feel blessed. Do I wish we could jet off and do something exciting like travel to Australia or Maui? Sure, but it is not a necessity. We can have just as much fun-albeit in a different way-taking Rusty to skating lessons on Saturday morning or heading up to our cabin for a weekend retreat. We just have fun together. We try to see the blessings in our every day lives. We don't have the need to shake things up a bit, but rather we just feel comfortable and blessed in what is.
I'm not saying it is wrong to want to shake things up a bit. Various couples make decisions all the time, not based upon a seven year itch, but rather just on life circumstances. That is well and good, but that is not us...not right now anyway.
I am happy to have had seven wonderful years with my best friend. I'm thankful that we can get frustrated with one another yet find a way to solve it all within the space of a few minutes. I am happy that we can find ways to laugh together, even when things are hard. I am thankful that we have the opportunity to raise two beautiful boys together. I am thankful that we have been through difficulties and they have managed to make us stronger. I wonder what the next seven years will bring?
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