words that speak to me

I read a blog posting tonight that ended with me in tears.  It was written by April Perry on the Power of Moms blogging site.  I have never heard of this site before tonight, but this was a posting that was spreading across facebook like wildfire.  I don't normally repost things like this, but I do often read them to see what all of the fuss is about.  This one?  I reposted.  You can read it here...it's a good read.

This spoke to me on so many levels.  I am on facebook, I am on Pinterest, I am a blogger!  I am as guilty as the next mom of posting pictures of my beautiful children doing this activity with more or smiling away as we are experiencing yet another fun adventure.  Often, however, I feel inadequate.  I feel that somehow I am falling short of the bar set so high by all of the pinteresting moms out there in the world.  I'm not saying Pinterest is bad.  In fact, I love going on there!  I do get many great ideas from the site and it has helped me organize my home, find fun ideas of things to do with the boys, organize simple and easy dinner recipes...the possibilities are endless.  On the other hand, it also makes me often feel terrible about myself.  Why am I not completing more of the projects that I am pinning?  What is wrong with me?  What kind of a mother am I?

 I also love facebook.  I'm not the person that will tell you not to go on there or that it is a waste of time.  I don't have a ton of time to waste, and don't actually spend much time on there, but what I do love about facebook is how much it allows me to connect with loved ones far away.  I still Skype with them, email them, and communicate in other ways, but I can easily check in on my little bro and see gorgeous pictures of my brand new niece without them having to email them to a million different people.  I can send a quick message to a friend letting her know I'm thinking of her when I know she is probably working and I wouldn't be able to call her, yet I have a free moment and am thinking of her so I know I can send her that message and she will get it later.  I really love it!  Facebook, however, sometimes causes the same problems.  I actually took a sort of "Facebook Fast" for two weeks this summer because I found that practically every time I went on there I came away feeling awful about myself because I wasn't creating homemade crayons with the boys or, heaven forbid I had fed them Annie's mac and cheese rather than making my own organic mac and cheese with homemade non gluten noodles and all natural cheese.  Or no cheese at all because cheese is bad for you, don't you know?

The problem is not Pinterest, facebook or blogs...the problem is me.  The problem is that I allow myself to feel like less of a person, like less of a MOM because I'm not completing projects.  I love that I have friends that are so crafty and can manage their time in that way!  It amazes me and I am proud of them, but I have to let it end there and not compare myself to them.  I can learn from them, but I can't let myself feel like I'm not a good mom because I'm not doing what they are doing! 

My best friend Vanessa is a perfect example of the kind of mom I want to be.  She doesn't let things get to her.  She is amazing...she actually is the mom that can complete like, 10 Pinterest projects while still managing to listen to and spend time with her kids and make dinner.  The difference?  She will be the first one to tell you that that night she made Kraft Dinner for the kids because she spent the afternoon painting with her daughter and didn't have the time to whip up a gourmet dinner as well.  Oh, and the bathroom?  It's a disaster right now, but go ahead and use it!  Wipe down the counters while you are in there!  She smiles at everyone she meets, and she never brags about all that she has accomplished.  She just is.  She is sunshine, she is grace.  She is a listening ear to her children's stories.  She provides meals in the best way that she can-sometimes that means cooking a great meal from scratch, sometimes it means a frozen pizza, or perhaps even a stop at KFC on the way home from some event.  And that?  That's okay!

I have to remember moments like last night.  I had tucked Rusty into bed for the night, and we had prayed.  I hadn't seen him much because Kevin and I had gone straight from work to a very important specialist appointment that lasted until 6:30.  By the time we got the boys picked up from Nana and Papa's and home and ready for bed it was late.  I knew I should get Rusty to sleep, but I wanted to chat.  I laid in his bed with him for over twenty minutes.  I asked him about a million questions about his day, and truly listened to what he had to say.  We normally do this sort of thing over dinner, and I think the fact that he is somewhat distracted by eating sort of takes away from the conversation a bit.  Last night, at one point, he simply stopped talking, looked at me, smiled, and said, "Mom, I just love you!"  It wasn't because I had just built a castle out of popsicle sticks with him, it was because I laid there, rubbing his back and looking into his eyes, and listened to what he had to say.

I'm not saying building a castle out of popsicle sticks is bad!  I wish I could!  In fact, maybe some day we will!  What I AM saying is that this post by April Perry spoke to me because it reminded me that really, all my kids want is me.  They want me...whether it is me talking to them, me playing Candyland, or me making goop out of cornstarch and water-a perfect Pinterest project! 

Pinterest, Facebook and blogging are all GREAT tools of technology for us in our time, but for me, I can't let them rule me and most of all I cannot let them cause me to feel like less of a mom or a person.  God made me as I am, and he wants me to just be there for my kids.  To love them and to listen to them.  I'm thankful for the little reminder and the words that truly spoke to me tonight when  I needed them the most.