Selfish or Selfless?

I love our church. There was a time about six months ago when I was questioning it and wondering if it was really the place where we should be worshipping, but now I am convinced...it is where we need to be! The past two Sundays-well, I guess tonight was actually Saturday but it still always feels like Sunday-we have finally been back at our church after a summer of being away for various reasons. I felt like I was coming home. I love the praise and worship at our church, I always feel as though I have stepped into the presence of God. I am always there, but sometimes He just seems a little farther away than others. I love to sing...I feel that I can really express myself through singing so those are my favorite times. I also really enjoyed reconnecting with some of our friends that we hadn't seen all summer...particularly two that had just returned from their honeymoon in Greece! The part that was the best though, both last week and this week, was the message. Both weeks they have really hit me hard and set me to thinking. This has been a summer of reflection and self-study and I am coming to some realizations about myself that I really am not too happy with.

I am selfish. That's it, plain and simple. I think that I used to be much more selfless, but lately I seem to think only about myself. I have neglected calling family and friends. I have avoided having people over. I have turned down plans with others. I have turned away from opportunities to be kind to others. I have done all of this and used the excuses that I am tired, or that I am too introverted, or I am too busy. Those are all just lies and excuses. I am selfish, plain and simple.

Last week our associate pastor, David Wood, was speaking on the topic of hospitality. He spoke about how important it is to be welcoming to others, to provide them with friends and to be genuine. I thought about how often we had invited someone over to our place even for a simple dinner in the last six months and I have to say, I was pretty ashamed. We can be such homebodies. It seems to be our natural tendency but it really isn't an excuse. I also say that our home is too small. It's just too tough to have many people here at a time, but again, that's just an excuse. My second year up here I put on an American Thanksgiving dinner for some friends and we had about 8 people besides the two of us in our place and it was a blast! Was it crowded? Yes, but that certainly didn't take away from the joy of the night. I'm hoping that I can step outside of my comfort zone and become more hospitible. I want to be someone that is welcoming to those I know and those that I don't know. That one is the big leap for me...I am so shy sometimes that it is hard for me to reach out to people and extend a welcome to them until I know them well. I realized while I was in Europe this summer that I DO have that capability though! I was on my own, really, for 18 days and I managed to come out of my shell and share myself and invite others into my little world and you know what? It wasn't that bad!

Tonight Pastor Mark was talking about doing good. It seems simple really...we should do good but many times we get so sidetracked with our busy lives that we forget to do good. I am pretty guilty of this. Doing good, as he said, doesn't have to mean helping thousands of people at a time...it can simply mean helping one. As he said, people are born one at a time, they become hungry one at a time, they become sad one at a time, and they can be helped one at a time. Doing good can be something as simple as taking the time to listen to a child tell a story that we might not really have the time to listen to or it can be helping someone carry their groceries or something so simple. I want to do good. I want to reach out to others. I want to come out of my shell and break past my comfort zone.

Will I be selfish or selfless? I guess time will tell!