Let's Get Real

There is something I have discovered about myself in the last few years...I like it when people get real. I find that as I get older I worry a bit less-just a bit-about what people think of me, and more about getting real. This is why I sometimes become frustrated.

I find that the people I connect with the most are the ones that aren't afraid to be real with me. I am not always the easiest egg to crack. I am a bit shy, I don't easily share myself-I know, I know, double standards-but I appreciate people that aren't afraid to be informal.

I get tired of a few things. As a mom, I have become tired of answering the same questions every day. There seem to be a few standard questions that people ask new moms:

#1. Did he sleep well last night? Is he sleeping THROUGH the night yet?
Okay, seriously people...how many of US actually sleep through the night? I mean, we all wake up here and there, and babies have a bit of a time learning how to soothe themselves back to sleep. Rusty is doing great with sleeping, but I have to be honest and say that I get a little tired of those moms that claim that their baby is the baby wonder of the world who slept through the night at 2 weeks. Actually, what IS sleeping through the night? A friend of mine, who I forever loved after she told me this, was listening to me talk out my sleeping frustrations when Rusty was a few months old. She asked, "Well, what is his sleeping pattern actually like?" When I told her that he went down at such and such a time and slept until such and such a time she said, "Well, Stacy, that basically IS sleeping through the night!" What no one tells you is that sleeping through the night does not necessarily mean that your baby sleeps from 7:30 p.m. all the way through until 8 a.m. Sleeping from 7:30 p.m. until 1 a.m. and the 1:30 to 7 a.m. is a victory! Let's count our victories people! And hey, moms? Let's get real? Hey all of you people that are out there that are asking us poor moms EVERY SINGLE DAY if our baby is sleeping through the night? Give us a break! The baby is sleeping the best that he can, we are doing the best that we can, and we are all happy to just not talk about it!

#2. How big is your baby? I hate this question. I feel like people are always comparing and I really feel like every baby is on his or her own schedule and doing just fine. I have friends who have little one or two year old children that are lightweights, yet they are FINE! Socially great. Emotionally content. Physically able to do what they are supposed to do, yet they don't weigh quite what the percentile charts say they should. I say phooey! Rusty is a big boy. He's tall, but that doesn't really have anything to do with ME...that's how God made him! He has height in his genes. Let's not compare our babies moms!

#3. Unsolicited advice...I know that this isn't a question, but it is something that moms-especially new moms-get all of the time. Why is that random people in the grocery store feel that they know what your baby needs better than you do? I am with him every day, all day. I know what this cry versus that cry means. Sometimes babies just need to cry! It's a fact of life! I have so many friends that have this complaint. Their baby lets out a little squeak in the store lineup and the woman in front of them is suddenly turning around telling them that their baby must be hungry, even though Mom knows full well that the baby just ate half an hour ago, and no, that is not a hunger cry, it is actually a "I'm tired of being in the car seat can we get home so you can lay me on my play mat!" cry. Can we say that to the woman giving us the advice though? Nope, we just have to nod graciously and say, "Oh maybe he IS hungry!"

This is a bit of a rant, but I am just so tired of the same questions all of the time. I find that there is a certain epidemic among moms, especially first time moms. It's like we feel the need to present the idea that everything is perfect and wonderful all of the time. What IS perfect and wonderful? Today I took Rusty to the health clinic to get his four month shots. He did great, and the shots happened to take place right around his nap time. There is a mandatory 15 minute waiting period after the shots to make sure that there is no reaction. I was holding Rusty and because it was nap time he drifted off to sleep. Another mom looked at me and Rusty and turned to her son-also about four months old-and said, "See, HER baby sleeps! Why don't you?" Earlier I had noticed that this same woman seemed to be wiping tears from the corners of her eyes. It was just a passing comment, but my heart broke for the woman. I sat down next to her and said, "He doesn't ALWAYS sleep! You should have seen him last night!" At that, it was like floodgates opened up. She was telling me all about her night with her son and his sleeping and such. I didn't give her advice, I just listened. By the time her son's name was called for his shots she was smiling and cooing at her baby...all it took was a listening ear! Why don't we do this more as new moms? I could easily have said, "Oh yeah, he's really figuring out his naps," or "Yeah, he averages two five hours stints each night" but something in me told me that this was NOT what this mom needed to hear, she needed a sympathetic ear!

I have been blessed. I have several great women in my lives that are also moms that aren't afraid to get real with me. I know that I can share with them, ask them questions, tell them what's getting me down and they aren't going to judge me or Rusty for it. They are going to give me that same empathetic ear that I gave to the mom today. They are going to give me advice when I ASK for it. They are going to let me cry if I need to. So, Stef, Britt, Nessa, Jen, Tara, Angela, Adrienne, Julie...all you moms out there that I may have missed but that DON'T ask me the same questions over and over...thanks! You've been my lifesavers!

It's not just moms either. It's people in general. If we are hurting, let's tell each other! If you consider me to be a close friend or family member, share your hurt with me. I'm not going to judge you, I'm going to hold your hand or hug you while you cry, I'm going to pray for you, and I'm going to listen empathetically while you share your heart. Let's stop talking about the weather and start talking about life!

Okay, my rant for the day is done. I'm going to do my best to be real. It makes all the difference in the world. And oh yeah, he's sleeping great, he weighs 17 pounds, he is 28 inches long, and just in case you were wondering about the REAL stuff? He makes my world go around with one little coo. His giggle makes my heart sing. I love the way his smile lights up his entire face. I can't believe that he is able to roll from his back onto his stomach with one little movement now! I love the fact that he is having so much fun in his exersaucer. I think it's amazing that he knows Kevin's voice and gets a big grin on his face when his dad gets home from work. One of my favorite things right now is that he sits on my lap and takes it all in while I read him a book.

I have a former student named Nadine that occasionally contacts me on Facebook. Her question to me is always "What is your FAVORITE thing that Rusty is doing right now?" Incredible! Incredible, amazing insight for a 19 year old. She's not asking how is he sleeping or how much does he weigh but rather, what is he doing that I love? Oh, that opens up a world of conversation to us both! What we could all learn from Nadine. She's amazing, she's not afraid to share her heart...she's real.