Twists and Turns

Life has an interesting way of taking twists and turns when you least expect it.

Yesterday morning I woke up. I was sort of dreading the day...it was the day I had to take Rusty to daycare. I knew he had to go, he needed to become acclimated to the environment on the chance that I got a call to substitute teach. That was to be my job for the fall. In April, or maybe it was May, I gave up my full time job teaching Spanish at a high school in another town in order to have a job that was more suited to caring for my little man. I applied-and was accepted-to be a substitute teacher at two private schools in the area and I also applied to substitute in our local school district. This one was the most important, the full time work, the money maker. I was hoping to get in. I had an interview and it went great. I was then told to wait until August or so to hear something.

Well, August came and went. Yesterday I finally went in to the district office to see what was going on and learned that they had done their hiring for the fall-and it wasn't much hiring, to be honest! They did hire some people, but also had a lot of people left to place from the last year. The school systems work differently up here. I was not one of the hired.

I'll admit it, it hurt. I've been teaching for six years now. I have great experience. I love the kids, I love seeing them learn. I was thrown for a loop. I may be naive, but I was really hoping to be hired. What was I going to do? I said thanks, and Rusty and I headed back to the car.

As I got in, the tears came. I couldn't help it. It hurts to be rejected, and that's how I felt, rejected. The anger also came. Anger at the way the system up here works, anger at the idea that my hopes and dreams for our future together were dashed in that instant. I pulled onto the road and I was thinking and crying a bit, and Rusty was sitting in the back all strapped in to his car seat.

Suddenly, he started laughing! Then he did his adorable little squinchy face that I love so much. He was then babbling and pointing and just so gleeful. I had no choice but to smile too. We arrived home and as I took him out of his car seat I held him close, breathed in his sweet baby scent, and smiled. I didn't know what we were going to do, but I knew one thing, I had just received more time with my baby.

I'm not sure what the future holds for us now. We don't know if we can financially handle me being a stay at home mom, but there don't seem to be many other prospects. We are looking into things, but I don't want to just be working any job, especially one that would mean nights and weekends spent away from Rusty and Kevin...to me that just doesn't make sense.

One thing I do know is that God is in control. When faced with situations like these, I force myself to look back on all of the situations in my life when things seemed bleak, or when they seemed to not make sense, yet God always, always works it out for what is best for me in His timing. I felt relief yesterday that I wouldn't have to be taking Rusty back to daycare for awhile. We have always wondered if we would have me just stay home after a second baby...maybe the time line is just moving up.

My frustration yesterday wasn't even so much the fact that I wouldn't be working as the idea that now we will probably never get into a house, now maybe a second baby would be even further in the future, etc. etc. Then I stopped myself-after tears and moping-and reminded myself of how truly wonderful it is to be at home with my munchkin, who is even now standing beside me at the couch doing that squinchy face. I reminded myself that even if we can't buy a house now, we are living in a nice place, with great landlords, lots of space, and a nice backyard. We might have to cut back on some things, but hey, we'll make it! I am truly so blessed to have such a great husband, and such a precious little boy, giving me their big smiles every single day!

Today in my devotions the verses were great and one in particular stuck out:

"What's more I am with you, and I will protect you wherever you go."

Genesis 28:15

Good words for this heart to hear today. Stay tuned, who knows what the journey may bring next. At this moment I'm going to log off, hug my sweet little boy and then go and visit a friend. This stay at home mom thing is pretty sweet!