Feeling relaxed...and slightly guilty??? (and 24 weeks!)

Last night as Kev and I were laying in bed getting ready for sleep we were having an interesting discussion.  It was his turn to pray and when he asked me what to pray about, I said, "I just feel weary."  It wasn't because of Rusty, because overall he is sleeping great.  It wasn't really because of work because that's going well too.  Home is awesome and as I've said before Kev is an amazing help.  It's more because I just hadn't had any time to just relax.

In the transition of things I have had a lot of guilt.  I feel like every, single spare moment that I have should be spent playing with Rusty since I am no longer with him all day.  If I am not playing with him then there is always laundry, marking, planning of lessons, sweeping the floors...I know, everyone's life is the same.  I have learned to be pretty efficient with time but I really do believe that it is good for the soul to simply sit back and relax sometimes.  I had to think back and couldn't remember the last time I did that, at least not completely by myself.  I've been having great times with friends and a wonderful date night with my hubby on Thursday.  These things energize me, but so does having some time to sit and do the frivolous things.

Before praying for me to feel rested, Kev-Mr. Fix It-hatched a plan.  He would get up with Rusty in the morning-which he does every Saturday anyway, but I would sleep in as long as I wanted.  Then, at some point he and Rusty would get out of the house and leave me to do...whatever.  My first reaction was this.  "OK.  I feel like I should spend that time with you guys, but I DO have to get my course overviews done for work, so it's probably good if I am on my own for a bit."  I don't think that's what my husband wanted to hear, but he just replied, "The time will be yours to do what you want."

This morning Rusty woke around 6:15.  We were able to get him to go back to sleep until about 7, and then Kev got up with him.  I slept-hard, so hard I had some crazy dreams-until about 8:30.  That felt amazing!  Kev brought Rusty in and we all "played in the cave" for awhile.  This is one of Rusty's new favorite games and it involves the three of us hiding underneath our huge duvet as he crawls around and we try to find him and tickle him.  The giggles abound and we all end up laughing and smiling.  Ok, ok, it's a favorite game of Mommy and Daddy too.  Anything that allows us to hear our boy's giggle is a winner in this house!  After hanging out in the "cave," Rusty and I called my mom.  She had knee surgery yesterday and I figured that she could use a dose of Rusty's smiling face to cheer her up, so we Skyped for awhile.  Then it was time to get going for the day.

Kev bundled Rusty up in his rain coat and they were off.  They went to run errands and just be out of the house for a few hours.  Kev said that he and Rusty would be back at noon.  Until then my time was my own.

At first, I just sat there in my pjs, catching up on all of my favorite blogs.  I hadn't read some of them for ever a week, and even came across a new one to sift through.  So many of the blogs I read are so encouraging and a wonderful reminder of the wonder and joy we can all find in the every day.  With each post that I read it was like sunshine easing its way into the dusty, rainy corners of my mind that had been fuzzed over with the busy times of life.  As I was reading, the back of my mind was saying work on your overviews, work on your overviews.  Finally, I had it.  I made the decision that I wasn't going to even think about them, let alone work on them, for the next two hours.  Then, I was free!

I ate a leisurely breakfast and caught up on one of my favorite shows.  It had been on our PVR since Monday and I couldn't wait to see the new season opener, but just hadn't had the moment to sit down and watch it, even with the ability to fast forward the commercials.  After escaping into the world of Tree Hill for 45 minutes-yes, I know, it's weird.  I can't help it.  I started watching it when it first began and can't quite bring myself to let go of the world of Tree Hill.  I mean, Hailey's having a baby this season!-I came up with a game plan.

I did do a bit of laundry, because hey, how hard it is to throw a load of clothes in the washer.  I also showered, but took my time and really enjoyed that steaming hot spray!  I got dressed in something besides yoga pants, which had been my original go to outfit for the day but thought hey, why NOT wear something besides yoga pants?

After my shower it was on.  I decided to tackle a project that had been annoying me for quite some time.  In our entry we have a big S and above it I had been wanting to hang our wedding photo with signatures for awhile.  It seemed the perfect place for it.  It hasn't actually been hung on a wall for a few years because the glass in the frame broke when we moved to the place before this and I only just got it replaced.  I was itching to get it on the wall but it could be precarious.  And I am 24 weeks pregnant!  I managed it though.  I got out all of my supplies and was ready to go.

I measured, not just once but three times.  I drew dots on the wall, I drilled the pre-holes and pounded in the anchors.  I screwed in the screws and then came the moment of truth.  Were they spaced perfectly?  Would the picture hang????  

SUCCESS!  I have to admit, I actually did do a fist pump and shouted yes!  I had accomplished this project and didn't put any more holes in the wall than actually NEEDED to be there.  This is huge for me!  I'm so thrilled to have that up.  It just adds that extra little bit the entry needed.  Now we just need to finish the baseboards, put up a new railing and get new light fixtures!  Ha!  Maybe the picture will take away from all of that.

After this huge handywoman success, I decided to go the opposite direction and paint my nails!  I love having nice nails, I think it just adds so much, but the time it takes to sit and give them the couple of coats they need, let them dry without smudging...well, usually I just end up with mushed polish.  This time I took my time.  I whipped out a new color I had recently picked up-Avon's Ruby Slipper-and got to work.  I'm new to buying any Avon products.  Our neighbor lady, who also attends our church, sells it and when I saw I could buy two bottles of nail polish for $6 I thought I'd try it out.  I'm happy with it!  The color I had on before lasted so long with hardly any chipping.  I think I will buy a few more colors from her, but for now, what do you think of Ruby Slipper?  I'm a big fan.

By the time I was done with all of this, my boys were home, but I was feeling relaxed.  Along with the relaxation though, came the guilt.  Why wasn't I spending that time with Rusty?  As I reflect though, I have to remind myself that I'm probably a better mom when I'm not so frazzled and I was more than thrilled to meet the boys at the car and take Rusty to the backyard to play.  I even had the energy to race him!

Sigh.  The constant battle, the consistent guilt...does it ever truly go away?  Today I have decided to push the guilt to the back burner and remind myself that I am a person too.  After this morning I feel refreshed.  My weariness is gone and replaced joy and energy.  That's got to count for something.  Guilt, guilt...go away!

On a different note...we have hit 24 weeks!  I have surely popped now.  I still relish the kicks, wiggles and rolls and even Rusty got in on loving the baby action today!  When we took the photo he ran up to give the baby a hug.  It was so cute we had to get him to do it again.  Of course he was so fast we could hardly get a picture, but enjoy!

And the 24 week shot!