Goodbye Grandma

It has been more than two weeks since I last posted, and there is a reason for this.  On Friday, July 22nd, I received a phone call that my grandma was being taken to hospital.  She was experiencing significant pain in her back and was very weak.  By Sunday, they were doing an endoscopy, discovering that it was too difficult for them to even get in due to the lesions in her stomach.  After that it was all downhill from there.

They discovered that she had metastatic cancer, invading her entire body.  She also was bleeding internally, and after two blood transfusions her counts were still extremely low.  At that point we knew...she wouldn't be going home.

I had just visited Grandma in April.  I had a wonderful visit with her and Grandpa, and she met Rocky.  I had visited with her about all sorts of things...how she and Grandpa met, what it was like to raise five boys on a farm, and many other things.  We reminisced about what great times we had always had together when I was little.  It truly was a wonderful visit.  The last time I left she got herself up out of her chair.  She hasn't been doing well healthwise for several years, and I remember saying, "It's ok Grandma, I will lean to you."  She refused and got up, then hugged me...so tight.  My grandma always cries when one of us leaves, and says, "I love you, honey."  It is that same tone that she always has, the love just flows with her tone.  I hugged her tight.  I love hugging my grandma.  I love how little she is, how her head fits just under my chin.  I cried too, and she said, "I LOVE you honey!"  It is weird, almost like she knew what was coming...I wonder if she did.

Anyway, on Sunday we got the call, she probably wouldn't make it through the day.  I was distraught, a mess, in tears.  Even though I had that great visit in April, I wanted one more hug.  My relatives all started heading for South Dakota.  My brother, his wife, and my cousins were quickly driving across the state to be by her side, my sister and aunt were flying in from Texas, my cousin was flying in from Arizona.  I didn't know what to do.  I wanted to go, but there was the possibility I wouldn't even make it in time.

Well, Grandma is one tough lady!  On Monday morning she was still alive, and even talking with the family.  Kev and I worked hard, and got the boys and I on a flight for Tuesday-three flights that is.  I made it in time...Grandma lasted one more week, and I got to have that last hug, those last I love yous, and I even got to sing to her.  It was precious, and I am glad I went.  My grandma is amazing...I miss her.

She passed peacefully on Monday morning, August 1st, around 8 a.m.  It was strange, I was staying at my cousin Matt's house.  We had just said, "Well, Grandma made it through another night!" when the phone rang.  She had just passed, peacefully, in her sleep.  It was what we all hoped for.  After a week of her being in such pain and struggling, she had gone to see Jesus in her sleep.

Christmas 2008

I can't even express how incredible my grandmother was.  People have told me for years that I am like her.  Even Grandma herself told me that the last time I visited her.  I can only hope that I will be just like her as I grow older.  It would be such an incredible gift to be like Grandma.

My Grandma...as best I can express:

• She loved her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  She had a lot of them!  She had five rambunctious boys.  My dad was the oldest.  They all grew up on the farm.  When my dad was 20, my grandma and grandpa adopted my aunt, Lana, from Korea.  She was eight.  Grandma took her in and loved her as her beloved daughter.  One night while I was sitting by Grandma's bed with my aunt in the care home, Lana was stroking her and saying "Do you love your daughter, Mom?"  Grandma struggled and spoke, "Yes."  Grandma had 18 grandchildren.  I am so blessed to come from this big, wonderful family.  Grandma taught all of us grandchildren how to love.  She had 20 great grandchildren.  Every time one of us had another child, Grandma was so excited.  It is her legacy.  At her funeral we were all there-most of us anyway-and we filled half of the church.  The great grandkids were doing their best to behave, restless in the hot church.  I had to laugh as I looked around at us shushing our babies, and giving the kids something to keep them quiet.  After the funeral I was talking with someone and she said, "What a beautiful legacy it is, I just looked at all of you and your kids and thought how beautiful it is that Ed and Laura have this legacy, these wonderful children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren to carry on what they started."  She was right, it is the best...the most beautiful legacy.

My Last Picture With Both of my Grandparents

• Grandma loved God.  She loved Him with her whole heart.  She never minced words about that.  She knew who her Savior was, and she let everyone else know it too.  She did her best to teach each of us about that, as well as many other children.  She taught Good News Clubs after school to the school kids in her home.  Many children came to know the Lord because of her wonderful commitment to Him and serving Him.  She loved to hear hymns, and knew them all.  Even in her last days, one of her favorite things was having one or all of us sing various hymns to her, and at her funeral the first song we all sang was "Jesus Loves Me."  Although it was hard, it truly blessed me to sit by her hospital bed and sing to her, even Rusty sang with me to her, and anytime we would ask her if she wanted us to sing, she would try her best to say, "Yes."  It was always yes.  In the end, my dad asked Grandma if she was going to take care of her great grandbabies when she got to heaven.  Several of us have had losses, and she responded by making her eyes wider.  She knew what was coming, and it was precious to see that she would do her best to carry on being the best Grandmother she could be. 
• Grandma loved her husband.  She and my grandpa had one of those once in a lifetime loves...they had been together for 66 years.  66 years!  I hope to get that long with my man.  Grandma taught me the right way to love him.  She always supported Grandpa, and although they joked around and occasionally squabbled-mostly in the last few years when they both started forgetting things and couldn't hear one another!-we all knew that they loved one another endlessly.  It was so sad to see my grandpa watching my grandma grow weaker.  He would stroke her face, and kiss her all over it.  He was there as soon as someone could take him in each day and lingered each night until she fell asleep.  They are that "The Notebook" kind of love.  I almost expected my grandpa to pass the same day my grandma did, and I can see how much he misses her.  My heart aches for him.  He was well loved by this woman throughout his life and he loved her well right back.  I visited my grandpa a few days after Grandma passed.  There were these pictures stuck up around the house and one was of him as a young farmer just starting out.  I commented on how handsome he was, and what a nice picture it was.  He replied, "Yes, your grandma just started taping those pictures up all over."  I think she wanted to see him at all stages of life, and be reminded of how she had loved him at each phase as well.  They are true love, and love that I respect and can model my own marriage after.
• Grandma had a sense of humor!  I guess you have to in order to raise five boys on a farm in the days before DVDs!  She had her hands full, but she did a great job.  I know she was a wonderful mother, each one of her boys-now grown men with children and grandchildren of their own-agrees.  They were loyal to her in all things, and would have done anything for her.  My aunt wrote a beautiful message talking about what a wonderful mother my grandma was.  She brought her sense of humor out even in those last days.  I was talking to her and said, "Grandma, I don't know how you raised FIVE boys!  I have my hands full with two!"  My dad piped up, "Well we were always GOOD!"  Grandma responded by saying, "Ha!" the best that she could.  She was always making a joke, and had a constant little twinkle in her eye. 
• Grandma had strength.  Incredible, amazing, faith bolstered strength.  We all saw that even in the end.  The doctors and hospice care kept saying, "Say your goodbyes, she might not make it through the day..." and she lasted an entire week after that.  She would open her eyes, talk if she could, and even try to smile.  
• Grandma knew what the meaning of GRANDPARENTS was.  She was always finding ways to entertain us.  Most of her grandkids lived just a few miles from her, and we spent as much time at her house as we did at our own.  She played endless games of Sorry, she had sleepovers for us, she created a fishing game for us, she decorated Christmas ornaments with us, played Old Maid, sang with us, read to us...I have so many memories with her.  She and my grandpa had an in-ground pool at their house, and every summer we spent most of the afternoon there, swimming.  One time she and my grandpa took all of the kids to a hotel in a nearby town and kept us there overnight, giving us treats, taking us swimming and mini-golfing.  We all remember that, and hold fondly to that precious memory.  Grandma would often keep just a few of us as well.  My sister, cousin and I would stay in their motor home with them at Hart Ranch, a favorite place for us.  She would take us swimming and spoil us with one of her favorite treats-Jelly Belly Jelly Beans.  

Yes, Grandma was a special lady.

I cry easily-that comes from her.  She had a tender heart, and she passed that tender heart onto many of us.  My dad and most of my cousins all cry when we need to.  When something touches our hearts, you can see the tears streaming down our faces.  

I have her chin...that stubborn chin.  It can be pretty set when I am determined, just like hers was.  It gives a particular shape to her face, one that I share.  Apparently-according to Grandma-I have small feet just like her.

I hope that I will be just like her in my strength.  That I will meet challenges head on.  That I will lean on my Savior for strength, that I will not be afraid to be tough when I need to be.

I hope that I will love my kids the way that she did.  That I will teach them about Jesus like she did.  That they will see me pray, and read my Bible, and love my Lord the way that she did.

I hope that I have a sense of humor like she did.  I hope that I can see the joy in all things.  That I can make others laugh in the middle of even the most difficult circumstances.

I hope that I will love, and live life to the fullest, just like she did...and someday, when I see her again we will both be full of joy, because I lived life like Grandma did.  I love you Grandma, and I miss you.  I will miss you always until we meet again.  Thank you for loving me, thank you for teaching me to laugh, and thank you for showing me how to love and honor Jesus.  Your legacy lives on in all of us.

Seeing her the night I arrived...we thought she might not make it through the night...she made it five more days.  She was one tough lady!