In his time

Our Rusty is a sweet, special little guy.  He loves to laugh, he is silly, he is sensitive to the needs of others, and he is thoughtful.  Yesterday I posted an interview with Rusty.  We asked him the questions last night after his little brother was in bed and we were just hanging out with him.  After he went to bed and we were doing our devotions and praying, we started talking about Rusty and his answers to the questions. 

I was mentioning how it warmed my heart to see that he was really understanding the things that we desire for him, and also that he was making choices of his own, as was evidenced in his answers.  Kevin said that something that really struck home for him was Rusty's answer to what makes him sad.  He said "Not pooping in the potty."

We have been working hard on potty training lately.  Peeing in the toilet has been going great, but he still hasn't quite understood the poo part.  He tries, sometimes.  He knows the answers to say, that he needs to poop on the potty and when we have the potty right there and can tell it is coming he makes it and he is sooooo proud.  Hearing him say that it makes him sad when he doesn't poop on the potty really touched our hearts.  It showed us that yet again, our little guy gets it, he just hasn't got it yet.  He gets what needs to happen, but we don't really think he quite understands exactly how it works yet.  It was like a neon sign telling us that we need to just give him his time. 

Rusty is a kid that likes to please.  If he isn't doing something-like pooping on the potty or giving up a soother-it is likely because he just isn't quite ready yet.  We have learned with him when to push things and say that it isn't ok and it needs to happen now and when it can happen in his own time. 

I remember about six months ago.  I was stressed about the fact that Rusty still used a soother-a pacifier for those of you in the States!-and wondered if it was going to cause issues for him as far as dental, etc.  Our doctor told me not to worry, that before long he would be giving it up.  She suggested talking to him about it.  We talked about it and chose his third birthday as the time.  We talked it up for a week ahead of time, saying that when he turned three he would be a big boy and no longer need a soother.  Let me tell you...I thought it would be rough.  For Rusty, the soother was his LOVEY.  He didn't have  special blanket, or a special stuffy that he loved, it was his soother.  He could often be seen with two soothers in hand and he would switch them in and out of his mouth.  He loved his soother. 

The day after we had his third birthday party we took him to the mall and told him to pick out a special "lovey" that would help him if he was sad to be without his soother.  He picked a puppy dog pillow pet and that night we made a big deal of giving us all of the soothers and putting him to bed.  He fell right to sleep!  The next morning he found a soother under his bed and sort of cackled as he came out of his room with it in his mouth, saying "LOok!" but then gave it to us right away when we asked and he has never looked back!  He hasn't asked for it once, and has been just fine without it.  It showed me that what I know about my son is true, we have to be sensitive to his timing, not the timing of what others think he should be doing.  I can't tell you how many people would tell him "You don't need that soother," and pluck it out of his mouth.  For him, he DID still need it, and it wasn't hurting him, and now he doesn't need it.

The pooing on the potty is the same, we have decided.  He needs his time to understand it.  He will get it.  He won't be pooping in his pants when he is a teenager.  It will end.  We need to just keep trying to catch it, keep trying to encourage it, and NOT make a big deal out of it or punish him when it doesn't happen.  With our Rusty, that turns it into failure in his mind and then he shuts down and doesn't respond as well.  He loves words of affirmation, and that is the best thing that we can do for him!  Kev said last night that Rusty's answer to that question did it for him.  He has felt somewhat frustrated by Rusty's lack of poo progress-it was funny to write that!-but hearing Rusty say that he was sad when he didn't poop in the potty made him realize that Rusty really is trying, and that he thinks about it.  He said, "We just need to give him time!  He will get it in his time."  So true.

I am thankful that we have this sweet boy.  I am thankful that he loves to please, that he is kind to others, that he is funny.  I don't want those things to go away.  I know that it is a fine line as to when to push him into something and when to let it happen...I am glad we are learning how to walk that line.  He'll get it, in his time!