perspective

Things have been a little rough around here lately. We have been battling a cold and it isn't a fun one. It has hit little Ruby especially hard and between the cold and her recent attempts to try to crawl-even in the middle of the night-I have not slept more than two hour chunks at a time for nine nights. Tonight it got to me. I was grumpy, impatient, ungrateful. Kind of a beast.

Rusty had baseball and he and Kev were off for that and here I was at home. I was just putting Rocky to bed and Ruby was fussing so I was standing and rocking her in Rocky's room. He didn't want to be by himself because he is used to Rusty being in there but Rusty was still at baseball.

Anyway, eventually Ruby fell asleep and so I sat on the edge of Rocky's bed and held his hand as I held her sleeping. He slowly drifted off and I just started talking to God. He brought my devotional from this morning to mind. It was on suffering and allowing God to hold us in and through our suffering. When I read it this morning I thought it didn't apply to me right now because when I think of suffering I think of true suffering such as major illnesses or imprisonment for faith or whatever.

But it was like God was telling me that this is a tough phase for me right now and it is okay to acknowledge that and to let him hold me. So I started praying about that and as I did I just started thinking about how I was sitting there in my cozy house holding the hands of two of my children while they slept peacefully without fear. And all of our bellies were full and we were wearing comfy clothes. We had just prayed together before bed without fear of someone putting us in jail for our beliefs. We had Bibles laying on our coffee table out in the open. Even though we have colds we are relatively healthy and we have more than enough food to eat. We have friends and family around that love us.

Then images started to flash through my mind and as they did I prayed for the people. Pastor Saeed, who is in prison in Iran and separated from his family because he won't renounce Christianity and revert to Islam...I prayed for him and his family. My former colleague and his children, who just lost their wife and mom to cancer...and I prayed for them. My good friend who is in the midst of an incredibly difficult and scary pregnancy...and I prayed for her. So many faces, so many circumstances of true suffering, so many people for me to pray for.

Suddenly, although my nine nights of sleeping no more than two hour chunks at a time have been hard, they no longer seemed like true suffering. I did, however pray for me and for my husband and my kids. I thanked God for them and that I even have kids that are keeping me up at night. I thanked him for being there and promising to hold me and lift me up. I thanked him for giving me what I need for each and every day. Sometimes it feels like barely enough but yet it always is just that...enough.

God is good and he is there...I just have to open my eyes and look for him. Sometimes I simply need a bit of perspective.

"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer." -Psalm 18:2



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