Random Emotions

It's interesting how one can go through so many conflicting emotions in one simple day. Today was one of those days for me.

First, there was that ahhhhhh feeling because I got to sleep in. This is because I had a doctor's appointment and did not go in to work today. By the time my appointment is over and I get out to Abbotsford, I'm there for one block, so I take the day. It's nice, and it's always good to be able to get some extra rest and relaxation.

Then came that nervous feeling. The butterflies in the pit of your stomach I can't eat I feel like my heart is pounding really fast feeling. I'm still waiting for the day when I go to a doctor's appointment for this little one and don't feel that way. I wonder when, if ever, that feeling will change. I felt it until I laid down and Dr. H. moved that doppler over my belly and we heard that heart thumping. "Buhmp, buhmp, buhmp, buhmp, buhmp, buhmp, buhmp." That sound always makes those butterflies just fly right away. I love hearing that sound. It's really, truly incredible and an absolute miracle. My doctor has been through the entire journey with us, and it is neat to see her joy in it as well. I wonder if hearing that sound ever becomes just something that is ordinary for her. Knowing her, I think not.

Then came the ouch feeling. I had some blood taken...a routine thing in this stage of life. This time, though, the nurse really jammed that needle in. Not only that, the blood didn't immediately start flowing. She actually had to tap her finger on the needle a few times before it suddenly gave a large SPURT and then started slowly flowing. Hmm...I don't think I'll go for the right arm again! It really didn't hurt that bad, nothing that was major pain, I was just wishing for the nurse I had last time that put the needle in so well I didn't even feel it!

Once that was all done and I was on my way in the car came the best emotion of the day. Gratitude, absolute gratitude. It just suddenly hit me. God has brought this baby this far. This little one is growing and changing inside of me with every passing minute of every single day! What an incredible thing! Suddenly I had tears just welling up in my eyes, and all I could think was "Thank you, God. Thank you, thank you, thank you, God." It is incredible to go on this journey. Today, for the very first time, I think I started to truly think about the future. I thought about having the incredible opportunity to raise this little child. I can't wait to tell this baby all about God and how much God loves him. (Or her?) I can't wait to hug it, and kiss it, and tell it face to face how much I love it. I can't wait to feel it twitch and wriggle inside of me, and to see it's precious little face. I can't wait to see Kevin holding this baby. He is going to be such a great dad. As all of those thoughts came to my mind, I just was overwhelmed with gratitude that God is allowing us to experience this incredible miracle.

The next feeling was that of overwhelming love. I met my sweet hubby for lunch, and as I sat there talking with him, I was reminded yet again of how much I love him. He's my best friend. I love talking to him and sharing things with him. Just seeing him for a few moments brightens my entire day. I look forward to next year when I can pack the baby up in the car and go to meet him for lunch!

After dinner I finally checked my final marks in my computer class and felt ELATION! I received a 100% on my final project! 100%!!! I was so thrilled, and my courses are now done. Now we just need to turn in the paperwork and hopefully I will be moving up to category 5. Yahoo!

The final emotion I'm feeling tonight? A mix of sadness and joy. As I stated before, my friends Seren and Ange are heading off on missions trips. Ange is leaving in just a few hours and Seren is leaving tomorrow. Serenity called me tonight on the way home from their orientation, and we had our last chat for over two weeks! This is tough for me to handle, and it's making me realize just how close we have become over this year. She is a part of my heart, and it is tough for me to know that I'm not going to be just sauntering down to her classroom or picking up the phone for a chat. I know that God has her on this trip, but I also know that I'm going to miss her! It was like I didn't want to hang up the phone and say goodbye. I'm praying daily for her and Ange, and ask you to as well!

Now it's just more relaxing. I'll be off to bed soon. I have one last day of school to get through tomorrow before spring break begins. The last day is always one of the toughest because the kids are so antsy to get out of there. You also feel like you can't start anything new becuase over 2 weeks they are pretty much bound to forget it! Ah well, it's just a few hours!

On a final note, I saw the most adorable little Chinese man running down the hill today. He was dressed in a dress shirt and pants, but had a towel slung over his shoulder and was jogging right along. It made the cutest picture, and perhaps encouraged me to get back on the treadmill, not running, but at least walking! I've been a bit lackadasical lately, and I'm feeling the immense fatigue starting to wear off a bit! The pregnancy honeymoon phase is beginning!