So, here we go...in no particular order, the things that I find to be sometimes difficult along the journey of parenthood.
SLEEP: You are warned about this. You get endless people saying, "Enjoy your sleep now, because once that baby comes it is all over!" I hated hearing that when I was pregnant, and I remember how much I hated it and try not to ever say it to my pregnant friends now, but man...they were right. You just really can't comprehend that sleep deprivation that comes along with being a parent. I have often stated that I truly believe that God gives parents, and especially mothers, a special measure of supernatural energy that first month or so when sleep can be so erratic and crazy. I mean, think about it. Some governments use sleep deprivation as a torture tactic. They put people in rooms that never get dark and play noises to keep them awake and such. Kind of like having a baby those first few months-you just lie down in your bed after rocking your baby and singing to him and shushing him for three hours. You think he is asleep. You gently lie him in his crib being ever so careful not to wake him. You creep back to your own bedroom on your tip toes and ease down into bed, being oh so careful not to make a single noise on the off chance that perhaps your baby can hear you from his bedroom which is across the hall with the door closed. Just as your head hits the pillow and you squish the duvet comfortably around your body, drifting blissfully into sleep, you hear it..."WAHHHHHH!" There you go, it begins all over again. The first month or so I DVRed every show that could possibly be interesting just on the off chance that I might be up for hours on end during the night with the baby. Rocky actually did pretty well, I remember being up for hours on end with Rusty, counting down the hours until 6 a.m. when the day would begin again and I wouldn't feel so alone in the night. Kev has always been helpful, but my theory is that I am on maternity leave and he is working, plus, I have the food supply, so I am the one to get up with the baby most often. He is on Rusty duty these days-although Rusty rarely wakes during the night anymore. When he does it always seems to be at the same time as Rocky, making it impossible for me to get to both of them! On the other hand, our dear adorable Rusty is an early riser. Why? I do not know. Neither Kevin nor I could have been considered early risers before we had children. In fact, I remember many a Saturday morning that we both slept well past 10 or sometimes even 11. Slothful? Yes. Dreamy? Absolutely. I guess we can say that we do get a lot done now...waking up at 7 or 7:30 will do that for you! I always remind myself that some day my boys will be teenagers that I will likely be dragging out of bed. I recall my mom getting us kids up at 8 on Saturday mornings and now I think, "Sorry Mom, but were you crazy???" I can't wait for those days. I'm going to be so excited to drag them from their stinky, sweaty teenage boy bedrooms to go to their soccer games-or whatever they are involved in. Yep, sleep...that's one of the hard parts. As someone that loves her sleep, let me just say that I am oooohhhh so thankful for whoever discovered the coffee bean and the fact that you could make this delicious, amazing drink from it that has the ability to give you a boost and get you going in the morning.
The second thing is what I like to call the "to dos or not to dos." Oh there are SOOOO many theories on parenting out there. Do you let them cry it out, or do you rock them? Do you do timeouts or are timeouts without purpose? What is the right time to introduce solids? How soon should you wean your baby? Is it good for them to be involved in extracurricular activities at a young age or is that just too much and we should simply let them play? How often do we push him to just eat that one more bite or just allow him to decide when he is full as to avoid becoming an overeater simply to "clean up that plate?" The questions are endless. I am a softie. I HATE hearing my kids cry.
Crying it out...that was a big one for us. I have many friends that are firm believers in Babywise and Dr. Ferber and all of those things. I had a hard time with them. I want to cuddle my baby, I want to rock him to sleep. Oh yes, I hear all of you saying that doing so will make me a mom that is rocking my seven year old to sleep but hey, I don't believe it. Rusty is now almost 3 and goes in, lies down in bed, we pray with him and he goes to sleep. I have no idea how much of that comes from how we trained him and how much of it is just who he is. Sometimes he still wants me to lie down with him for a little bit...usually the length of me singing him three songs (his current favorites are "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," and "Yellow Submarine" by the way) and then he drifts off to sleep. Some nights he fusses a bit. He needs a drink or his Cookie Monster or this or that. We try not to give in too often, but we also try to be attuned to what he actually needs. The other night he simply would not settle, and we finally realized that he simply really wanted to read his big brother book. He had gotten it out to read with us before bed-we always read him three books-and we hadn't realized it and had read him three other books. Once we finally read that book to him he was out like a light in minutes. Hmmm. When Rusty was a baby, he was a bit finicky. He did not handle crying it out well. I tried it the first time when he was two months old because that's what people were telling me to do. After three nights of him crying for over an hour despite us following all of the rules and going in to soothe him but not picking him up and yada yada yada we gave up. I could not handle it and Kev wasn't handling it so well either. We put it on the back burner for a few months. When Rusty was around 6 months old he got to the point where he wouldn't fall asleep being rocked anymore. It didn't matter what we did. We decided to try crying again and this time...totally different story. He actually cried for about five minutes or less for about a week and then bam, he was just falling asleep when we put him in his crib.
Rocky is different. From the start he has been a kid that loves his sleep. He did enjoy being swaddled and that worked great until just a few weeks ago. He started breaking out of the swaddle and waking up. Plus, he no longer wanted to be rocked either. During that time when he would previously drift off into blissful sleep he now cranks his head around trying to see what is going on around him. This weekend I was on my own with the boys and knew I couldn't spend 45 minutes in rocking Rocky to sleep when Rusty was out in the living room so that was it...crying a bit became the method. He has so far responded really well. SO far. About five minutes or so of crying and then off to sleep. He has been sleeping better. I don't know that this will last, but for now it is working. When it stops working...I'll try something else. But man, it can be hard! It is hard to listen to your baby cry.
Eating oh joy. The perilous and tricky waters of teaching a toddler to eat well. It is just about persisting. This is the tough part. Sometimes, you just really want your kid to eat! I don't want to send him to bed hungry and have him waking up at 3 in the morning hungry because he didn't eat his veggies...but I must. Here is my dilemma...do I then warm up said veggies or do I give him animal crackers? How does this work? Our Rusty hasn't always been easy with eating! I have recently realized, however, during my May Food is Fuel Challenge, that I don't give him enough credit. We tried a lot of new things, and he tried most of them! We recently started a new tactic with him...he must at least TRY everything on his plate but if he says he doesn't like something he doesn't have to finish it. It is working...right now. He tries everything and usually ends up eating it all...surprising even himself! He will say "I don't LIKE that," but then when he tries it he says, "Yum!" and finishes the food. For a long time the only veggie that he would eat in non pureed form was corn. In the last few months we have added carrots and peas and oh how my heart delighted when he actually asked for SECONDS on carrots the other night. There were many times when I absolutely dreaded making dinner and wondering if he would eat it or not. It has been a long battle, but worth it. There were so many nights I was so incredibly thankful that Kev was in it with me. He continues to be more stubborn that our toddler, and waited out many a battle over one spoonful of this or that. I wonder which food Rusty will suddenly hate next??
Rocky may be different. The kid is already on rice cereal, as prescribed by our doctor. He WOLFS it down. He actually grabs the spoon and tries to shove it in his mouth himself. He becomes angry if you take too long to get the spoon to his mouth. I am so excited and interested in trying more food with him, just to see how he will react. Maybe food won't be such an incredible battle with him?
BALANCE: This one is tough. It's the balance of time with your husband, time to yourself, time with your kids, time at your job. As a mom, we are always feeling guilty and like we are giving someone the shaft. It is soooo easy to let your kids become your entire life, and for the most part I really believe that they should be, but I also think that for me to be a good mother and wife, I need some balance. I have not forgotten that it was Kevin and I for four years before Rusty joined our crew. We both totally agree that our lives are so much better with our kids in them, but we also really like each other, and spending time together. We still enjoy having a dinner out...just us. It is more difficult these days to get that time, especially with Rocky's current obsession with Mommy, but we know that we must persist. It is good for our kids to see that we are committed to each other and spending time together. It is good for our kids to know that Mommy and Daddy love each other and want to hang out. Plus, the time with Nana and Papa isn't bad either, right?
The other part of the balance is just for me. I do need some time to myself sometimes. Maybe it is just to read a book, to go to the bathroom in peace, or to take a long, hot shower. Sometimes just 10 minutes can work wonders, sometimes I might need a few hours. I always find that when I come back from that time on my own I can't wait to smother my little ones with hugs and kisses and see what they have been doing. If I don't get that time? I can lose my patience easier, I can become snippy with my husband, and I find myself feeling frantic. This time alone isn't something that I even get every week, nor do I need it. Some moms say they never need, and good for them...but for me to be a good mom...I need it. I need to have some time to think about something other than my kiddos. I need to escape in a good book with a delicious cup of coffee beside me. The thing I didn't know was how very difficult it could be to have this time happen. My husband and my in laws are incredible and supportive of me in this. Even with Rocky lately wanting no one but Mommy they are determined to make it work. Two Sundays ago I actually went out for 2 1/2 hours. I stopped by a friend's art show and then went to Starbucks and worked. The time felt like forever and I came back with so much energy! I couldn't wait to hug my little men! This past Thursday I took Rocky along with me and went to a friend's house for a hair cut and color. Rocky was a champ and slept there for three hours allowing me that wonderful cut, color, head massage and styling. I came home and Kevin even remarked on how much energy and joy I seemed to have. It had everything to do with just a few moments for me!
Being a parent is tough, it certainly is. I think we are lying if we say that it is always easy and wonderful and the birds sing and the clouds part and the sun shines down on us. But I also know that I can find that sunshine in the most incredible places and suddenly it doesn't seem so hard after all. Like right here, in these faces. Pure golden sunshine they are! I dare you to disagree!
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